I turned on my television to find a glorious sight the other day: Lindsay Lohan bawling her disbelieving eyes out at the announcement of her 90-day sentence for violating the terms of her parole. The images aren’t hard for me to look at. I can’t explain it, but I feel immense vindication seeing her crazily looking at her attorney as if waiting for her to let out a hearty, “Psych!” and allow Lindsey to go on her merry, lawless way.  No such luck Linds, you are about to get as real a taste of the real world as mega stars can get.

I recall with the fondness of any childhood memory the day Paris Hilton was sentenced to jail.  She screamed for her mother, and promptly had a nervous breakdown to the point that she was originally released to “home confinement” for 40 days.  I am sure there are a lot of people out there who would love to be confined to Paris Hilton’s home for the rest of their lives.  It sure beats the hell out of a 1-bedroom apartment.  Well, gladly, the brass weren’t having any of that, and she got what was coming to her: a 45-day sentence in the clink.  She served 23 of those 45 days.

Now, fast-forward to Lohan.  She has turned herself in to authorities to begin her 90-day sentence.  She will likely match the 23 days served by Hilton.  From there, Lindsay will not pass “Go,” but rather head directly back to rehab, again.  

Here is what I don’t get: how can these stars be shocked and cry “foul!” in the courtroom when the list of charges before them is longer than their list of “accomplishments?”  It makes me even more frustrated with them as people when they suspend their grasp on reality to include the American justice system.  You do the crime, you do the time, as the story goes.

I wish that were true.  I wish we lived in a society where if you got caught drinking and driving three times, had a bunch of cocaine on you, got parole from those offenses, but then violated the terms of your parole, you weren’t shocked when you got a measly 90-day sentence.  The life of a star is an enchanted thing, and, frankly, I am pissed that there is no realm of real life that is beyond the lure of a celebrity.  When the justice system is no longer a place of refuge for the rest of the non-elite world to see fairness handed down, then we, as a society, have lost.  Maybe it’s already happened.  

I have a friend who is going through his own legal battle right in conjunction with this whole Lohan disaster.  There are some subtle differences in the two cases.  My friend has no prior legal record, which is certainly different than LiLo.  My friend has been in jail since the moment of his arrest, and will remain there until he serves then entire term of his sentence, barring parole.  Lindsay and Paris were given ample time between their sentencing and jail entrance.  Paris spent her time going to the 2007 MTV Movie Awards.  My friend got into a fight and the other person fell and broke his back.  My friend got 6 months behind bars.  Did I mention he is a Mexican?  That’s another difference between him and those two upstanding women.  They are both white.

Now, I know that the justice system not being fair based on your skin color is not a new topic.  It’s tiresome to even think about, but in the wake of a multiple offender—Lohan—getting just over three weeks in prison and thinking it is unfair, I am a little disillusioned.  My friend getting half a year for a scuffle with an unfortunate accident—with no prior legal history—is downright shameful in comparison.

I am not saying that if you fight and someone gets really hurt you shouldn’t pay the price.  I think my friend needs to pay for what he has done.  But, lets get real here—if he got picked up for violating the terms of his parole after several priors, he would be doing a lot more than 23 days.

I have always felt that girls being celebrities for no other reason than that they are pretty and like to party and get in trouble is the sign of the end of our civilization.  We aren’t talking about wildly talented people here, just some girls who look good and party hard.  And that seems to be good enough for the justice system.

It is my distinct hope that Lindsay gets her shit together in jail.  In a perfect world, she would ask to serve all 90 days of her sentence, then leave rehab and start volunteering full-time at a homeless shelter, give all of her income to disabled war veterans, and disappear from the public eye.  But, sadly, that isn’t going to happen.  She is just going to be another stop on the road for the crazy train that is the treatment of celebrities by the American justice system.

Image courtesy of Madison Rayne

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