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Women, we’ve all been there. Waiting by our phones, hoping for some sign of life. Just a little vibration. “Ring, dammit!” we say to ourselves, wondering why on earth he hasn’t called yet, considering the fact that you just met last night and had the most amazing conversation and an obvious connection. Then day two passes, and still no call. We lose hope and think we’ll never hear from him again. Then day three rolls around, and finally he calls. Relief takes over, and the anticipation of wondering if you’d ever hear from him again vanishes.

Ahh, the three-day rule. This rule has left many women confused and insecure. The same rule has also plagued the consciences of men who wonder whether it is too soon to call so they don’t come off as needy or desperate. In this world of dating, who made these rules? Sometimes I wonder if a panel of men and women came together, wrote on sacred tablets, and the “10 Commandments of Dating” were established.

1. Men should not call before three days of meeting a girl.
2. Don’t sleep with someone too early.
3. Don’t reveal too much too early on.
4. Don’t be too available: if he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
5. Don’t text too much—reveals neediness.
6. Don’t talk about the ex...ever.
7. Phone her up on a Monday evening arranging a date for the following night. (Remember: weekends are off limits for first dates.)
8. Women should never call the guy in the first stages of the dating relationship.
9. Women should never approach the guy first.
10. Men should pay for the first date, always.

This is a list of the most common rules people follow in the world of dating. While some serve a purpose and help us navigate through times of trouble, have we confused ourselves more by abiding to these rules? We have to take into account that everyone’s relationship is different. Some people fall in love on the first date. Some people take months to fall in love. Others enjoy the game of playing cat and mouse; others want to cut straight to the point.

Sometimes I wonder what my dating life would be would be without rules? Would I feel freer to be myself? Would it be less complicated? Would I feel less overwhelmed? I believe that we have cursed ourselves with rules and guidelines and dating is harder than what it should be. Is it nice to have something established that helps us navigate? Of course, it is. But do these rules fit and fill in all the complexities of dating? No.

I know people who have broken all the rules. The guy didn’t wait three days to call after he first met a girl. They went out on a date the next night and bam, three months later they were married and in love. Seven years later they still are.

What if we just followed our gut and did what felt good? What if you didn’t want to wait a while to sleep with someone? What if on the second date it just happened, and it was amazing? We’re adults here. We know what we’re doing. And girls, what if instead of waiting to see if a guy will you approach you, you went up to him and started flirting?

These rules have limited us in our prospects of who we will date, and has hurt our chances of possibly having fulfilling relationships because once a rule is broken, or it doesn’t seem to fit the dating protocol, we run. We have it in our minds that if someone texts us just to say hi and see how our day is going that it’s extreme neediness. Some people have it in their heads that if someone seems too available, then they have no life and must be a loser. I’m sorry, but if a guy I like asks me out for Thursday and I have no plans, I will say yes.

These rules have turned dating into a game and I don’t believe it should have to be that way. What we need to do is distinguish boundaries from rules. Boundaries are what you are comfortable with. Some people do fine sleeping with someone on the first date and then allowing a relationship to happen. Others need the real romance first. Some women would prefer it if a guy didn’t pay on a date and he needs to be comfortable with that too. Maybe some people prefer to get their baggage all out in the open first so they don’t have to deal with that heavy stuff later on.

We’re all different. No couple fits the mold of what some of these rules imply. Stop over-thinking it, and if you like someone, go for it. My parents met at a bar in El Paso, Texas, when my dad was visiting from Mexico City. My mom moved to Mexico City with him just over a week later; they were together for over 25 years, and had three beautiful daughters. While their romance didn’t last, it wasn’t because they didn’t follow rules. In the end, it just didn’t work out. When I asked my mom if she should have waited, she responded, “Never. It all happened the way it was supposed to.” Live and let love happen.

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