A recent event has caused me to question the lines of what it means to be sexually assaulted and when grounds for filing charges against someone are acceptable. A friend of mine was sleeping with a guy. While they were having sex, he decided to take off the condom without her realizing it and when he was fingering her he pulled out her Nuvaring without telling her. She saw her Nuvaring on the ground and he admittedly told her that he had pulled it out. When she saw he wasn’t wearing a condom her reaction was even more shock than what she was experiencing at the moment. The next day she wrote Eric an email asking him to never contact her again.

Eric,

I'm going to cut straight to the point. I don't think we should see each other again. The fact that you pulled out my birth control without even asking shows a complete disregard for me. I can't explain how angry that made me. I was just completely shocked and couldn't even react. I don't care about the reason why you did it. I don't even want an apology. Also, when I ask someone to wear a condom that means I want them to wear a condom. Okay??

Marie

He responded and admitted once again to what he did:

Sure... I’m sorry. It was what I had always done and do want to apologize... Everyone is different when it comes to that and that was stupid not to ask. I felt bad all day. Thanks for sending me the note. Good luck... and it was nice to have met you.

Eric

Excuse me, but it was something he had always done? You mean to tell me, Eric, that you just go around sleeping with different women pulling off your condom and pulling out a woman’s form of birth control. The reason why we use birth control is so that when we make the mistake of sleeping with assholes like you we don’t produce another asshole.

Now one would think there must be some type of law that protects women from this type of behavior. Nope. Nothing. In fact, because she was having consensual sex, it is safe to presume that what he did was perfectly acceptable. I mean, that makes perfect sense right? Marie wrote an email to an attorney to seek advice and his response:

Although wrong, there is no assault and no agreement to use contraception other than common courtesy and decency...this of course changes if she becomes ill or pregnant..then there might be a negligence action...but until there is harm nothing there.

So, why do I write this article? I believe it is important that we open dialogue about this. While there might not be a law protecting her or other women from this, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it. It doesn’t mean that it makes it right. Our laws should protect women from incidents like this. Should a woman be punished because she had poor judgment in her partner? No. If anything, we should have laws that encourage women to step up and defend themselves when a guy has taken it upon himself to decide to risk her health when she was taking measures to protect herself. We don’t place the blame on women if they are date raped in obvious cases on non-consensual sex, so why would we place them blame on her in this case?

Join the group Standing up to Idiots Who Think They Can Get Away With This on Facebook. Let’s rally together against incidents like this where women are not protected by the law.

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