“Now I’ve seen everything,” I thought to myself as I was driving along the freeway. The guy in the SUV next to me was actually talking on the phone and eating a hamburger as he raced along at over 60 miles per hour. And it wasn’t just any old, fast-food burger either—it was one of those big, fat, loaded-with-everything, wrapped-in-foil-to-keep-it-from-spilling-all-over-your-lap burgers. With his cell phone clenched in one fist and his lunch in the other, I wondered what he was steering with—his knee? Or something else?

I must admit that I too am guilty of talking on the phone while driving. I used to have a wire-less head-set, but it got stepped on, and my fancy new cell phone doesn’t have a standard connection for my wire-full head-set. I try to never initiate a call myself while behind the wheel, and only answer if it’s truly an important call. And even then, I keep my conversations brief, telling whomever it is that I’ll get back to them ASAP because I’m driving.

It’s no secret that cell phone use while operating a motor vehicle is distracting to the point of being dangerous. Among others, a University of Utah study demonstrated that driving while using a cell phone was just as unsafe as driving while intoxicated—hands-free or not. The problem, according to the study, is driver-distraction, and that phone conversations are equally distracting whether a driver is holding a phone or using a blue-tooth device. Hypocrite or not, whenever I come across someone who is driving like a complete idiot because he or she is too busy talking on the phone, I like to yell out, “Hang up the phone and drive!”

Worse yet, of course, is the distraction caused by texting while driving, where the motorist uses one or both hands to text and often takes his or her eyes off the road in order to make sure that his or her BFF is on the DL and actually understands WTF he or she is texting about. What can be so urgent that someone is willing to put others’ lives at risk to read or write a text message while behind the wheel? I hate them—I really do.

The only people I hate more than those who text while driving are those who text while crossing the street. At least text-drivers realize that they’re doing something wrong when you bring it to their attention. Text-walkers, on the other hand, feel it is their right to take their sweet time while crossing the street, oblivious to everything around them, and become downright indignant should anyone be so brazen as to give them a little heads-up with a toot of the horn, a shout-out or, as I have managed to steer clear of so far, giving them a little nudge with my bumper.

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