La Pantalla Pequeña

Oh, back to school. How those words dance up my spine like acid on bare flesh. I have never fancied myself an intellectual, more of a man of constant leisure, so summer has always worked better for my personal constitution. All I have to worry about during the golden ages of summer are bedsores.

To help escape from the grind of using my brain, I escape to the movies. If movies are at all a blueprint for life, I have seen more than a couple that serve as good examples of how to approach organized education. So, without further ado, here is my comprehensive list of best “back to school” movies.

1. Back to School
How could any comprehensive back to school movie list be complete without Rodney Dangerfield's opus masterpiece about a slimy, older guy who weasels his way into the world of younger women? Um, wait, that’s every Dangerfield movie; but this one happens to be titled the very thing that we are discussing, that type of coincidence can't be ignored. In a nutshell, Rodney drinks like a fish, hooks up with co-eds, and somewhere in there manages to rekindle his relationship with his son. The movie was filmed at Arizona State University, so no, there weren't any Latinos used in the making of this movie. They aren't allowed to go to school in Arizona in the first place.

2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The scene is set on this very best of high school movies on the first day of school, senior year. Who knew that Ridgemont High was the stomping ground of such a fine list of actors? Judge Reinhold, Sean Penn, and Forrest Whittaker all graced the hallowed halls before moving on to illustrious careers. This one is a certified classic, and I argue, one of Penn's best performances ever (before he got so dammed serious), but the lasting image any male that saw this movie is left with is the iconic montage of Phoebe Cates striding from the swimming pool. Jaws are still hitting the floor.

3. Lean On Me
Morgan Freeman doesn't take any shit under any circumstances, and this movie is no different. As a principal sent to clean up a toxic waste of a high school, he chains the doors shut to keep riff raff out, and roams the halls with bullhorn and baseball bat in hand. There is a lot of Morgan doing his trademark Morgan finger pointing yell, which gets us just so pumped up. The movie was based on a true story, so that means there is a legitimate bad-ass principal out there doing his best Morgan Freeman impersonation.

4. Billy Madison
C'mon, don’t lie, you like it too. Adam Sandler hooked all of us in this low-brow, vulgar, but laugh-out-loud funny tale of an idiot who literally goes back to school to earn his father’s respect. Not that the plot matters in the least. The movie is more of a chance to blaze some sticky green, get all the Jack in the Box your wallet can muster, and laugh yourself to sleep. There are a couple of unforgettable cameos that one has to recognize: Chris Farley's genius portrayal of an elementary school bus driver, and Steve Buscemi's gun-wielding, lip-sticked, ex-classmate. Brilliance at its armpit-farting best.

5. Stand and Deliver
Ok, I have to admit, I have a soft spot in my heart for this one. Even though it is basically that same movie idea as “Lean On Me,” it just makes me feel good to have the most marginalized people in recent United States history—Latinos—get a positive portrayal in anything seen by anyone. James Edward Olmos kicks mathematical ass, and how can you help but love a vato version of Lou Diamond Phillips? La bamba dot com.

So, I hope we can all agree that going back to school sucks. But the wide world of movies is vast enough for all of us to drown our educational sorrows in a little flickering of the silver screen. You never know, we might learn a thing or two.

Este artículo también está disponible en español.

The South Korean action extravaganza, “The Good, The Bad, The Weird,” is more than just a play on the title of the Spaghetti Western classic “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” It is also homage to the entire feel and tone of Italian director Sergio Leone’s wonderful films from the sixties that featured a young Clint Eastwood in all of his grimacing glory.

“The Good, The Bad, The Weird” is a sort of love letter to those films with men killing and squinting at each other with massive amounts of bravado. The Leone movies always featured macho men with blood and lust on the mind, and this film matches that sentiment.  Filmed in 2008 and making its way over here to the states earlier this year, this film is an exciting and exhilarating action comedy with its roots firmly planted in movie history.

True to these types of flicks, the plot centers on a stolen map that is mistakenly nabbed by the Weird (Song Kang-ho) during an amazing train heist that provides us with a perfect opening sequence. The valuable map is the prize that is also sought by the Bad (Lee Byung-hun), with his wild hair that looks like it was directly pulled from an Anime television show. Bad has earned his name by performing some truly vile acts of savagery and will stop at nothing to lay his hands on this prized possession.

The Bad is a wanted man himself, and finds the Good (Jung Woo-sung) hot on his trail. The Good looks and sort of sounds like a Korean Clint Eastwood, with his dusty poncho and wide brimmed hat.  Once the Good learns of the map in turn, it is a mad dash to the treasure as the piece of paper begins to change hands time and again. Enter Chinese gangsters and the Japanese army to further complicate the situation, and you have a final showdown that can only be described as mad capped entertainment and over the top fun.

“The Good, The Bad, The Weird” is one of the most expensive films ever made in South Korea, and the evidence is on the screen. The plot, while standard fare, is there to facilitate some incredible action sequences. Director Kim Ji-woon creates a delicate balance between the Western and Martial Arts aspects of the story that makes for a good time.  He frequently uses long, extended shots to showcase the violence, making it easy and natural to feel like you are directly in the line of gunfire.

The film does lose out slightly with its characters, and everyone, by Western standards, seems muted. The Good isn’t good enough, the Weird could be a tad weirder, and the Bad seems to be trying too hard to prove that he is worthy of the title. This could merely be a difference in cultural storytelling, however, and expected side effects to having Jim Carrey define my idea of weird for the last twenty years. It would have been nice if these people were more defined however.

The end result of “The Good, The Bad, The Weird” is a slapdash action adventure feature that is a welcome change of pace. It is a Korean film honoring an Italian director that did his damnedest to make a classic American Western. The result is an international cinematic free-for-all that will leave you gasping for more.

Este artículo también está disponible en español.

Guess what “Hot Tub Time Machine” is about…



Remember the Good Ol’ Days? That period of time in your past when everything seems to have been better? You felt better, looked better and had a better haircut. A time when you had momentum. Some people call them The Glory Days. But these Days will pass you by (so goes the song), and you are left with nothing but fond memories. The new comedy, “Hot Tube Time Machine,” explores the thought that if you were able to go back to the “best days of your life,” you might not like what is waiting there. It’s easy to forget that that gorgeous girlfriend that was lost not only broke your heart, but also stabbed you in your eye with a fork.

“Hot Tub Time Machine” (the most literal title since “Three Men and a Little Lady”) is the story of four friends that haven’t been having the easiest of times. First, there’s Adam (John Cusak), whose lady-friend has just left him. That doesn’t seem to bother him as much as the fact that she took the television. All he has left is his 20-year-old nephew, Jacob (Clark Duke), who lives life vicariously through characters in a videogame in Adam’s basement. Then, there’s Nick (Craig Robinson), a failed musician who has been reduced to working at a dog grooming store named “‘Sup Dawg.” Finally, there’s the ever-lovable Lou (Rob Corddry), the resident asshole of the group, who accidentally tries to commit suicide in his garage while rocking out to Motley Crüe. This failed suicide attempt brings the estranged friends together again, and they decide to head to a nearby ski resort town in an attempt to bring a little joy to Lou’s life.

Their destination is Kodiak Valley, a place from their past that used to be a party Mecca. The boys are sad to discover that much has changed in the last twenty years. Kodiak Valley is now a rundown ramshackle village and, in a depressed funk, our heroes do the only thing they can think to do. They get drunk in a hot tub that they find outside of their hotel room. The next morning they wake to find themselves in 1986. They soon realize that they must do everything they can to replicate their past actions so as not to disturb the delicate fabric of the universe. Will Adam and Co. be able to get back to the future? Why is Chevy Chase involved? And what is the Great White Buffalo?

“Hot Tub Time Machine” is an extremely funny and original comedy from director Steve Pink. Pink has teamed with John Cusak before, co-writing both “Grosse Point Blank” and “High Fidelity” with him. Both of those films are smart and witty with heavy doses of dark humor mixed in. “Hot Tub” takes some of those elements and combines them with in-your-face toilet humor. The result is very refreshing as the film switches gears and operates on different levels.     

The thing that holds the film’s outlandish plot together is the skilled cast. Both Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry, who have been relegated to smaller, supporting roles in the past, give breakout performances. Corddry’s Lou is an extremely unlikable character that is somehow able to steal every scene he’s in. Robinson is wonderful at his music numbers and has a memorable scene involving a phone call to his nine-year-old wife. Crispin Glover also has a couple of great bits as Phil, the soon-to-be-one-armed-bellboy.

The movie does a lot right but there are a couple of things wrong. The costume design is a little one-note when it comes to the 80’s scenes. All the people seem to be wearing the same neon outfit. The “bad guy,” Blaine (Sebastian Stan), is a pretty one-dimensional character, but it could be argued that all antagonists in 80’s movies are one-dimensional. At least his name is Blaine. A handful of the jokes fall flat in the movie and the timeline isn’t always perfect (there’s a reference to “21 Jump Street,” and that didn’t debut until 1987), and for some reason in the film 1986 and 2010 are only 20 years apart. This drove me a bit insane.

As far as high concept films go, “Hot Tub Time Machine” is pretty great. Any film that features catheter humor, a soulful rendition of “Jesse’s Girl” and a parody of Motley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home” video has got to rock.  It’s a look back to the so-called Glory Days that proves one thing that can be denied no longer. The 80’s sucked.

“The Crazies” bring the noise



You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have “The Crazies.” There are parts of this film that are cliché-ridden drivel that we have seen four hundred times before and will, no doubt, see again. Then there are moments of well-executed, tension filled horror that give you a nice, satisfying jolt. During the movie, these elements each take their turn presenting their case, creating a mixed bag of entertainment. In the end, however, “The Crazies” has more going for it than against it. If you are looking for a bit of the grisly gore, “The Crazies” has it for you by the crimson dripping spoonful.

Ogden Marsh is a small farm town in Iowa with the tiny population of 1260 law-abiding Americans. This number (as the trailer makes us firmly aware) is about to decrease drastically. The town is presided over by sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant), who is noticing a peculiar change in the behavior of his fine citizens. This starts out innocently enough as people merely stare off into the horizon, unresponsive to questions and their surroundings. It’s when they start lighting their wives on fire that our good sheriff becomes concerned.

Unfortunately, Big Brother is watching, and almost as soon as the town starts to fall apart, the military arrives to execute their “Containment Protocol.” With gas masks and guns, the military is just as threatening as the monsters. The sheriff gathers his wife, Dr. Judy Dutton (Radha Mitchell), and a few others and tries to make his way out of Ogden Marsh while avoiding both the ones that are trying to kill them and the ones that are there to “help.”

“The Crazies” moves fast and hard, setting up its scenario as quick as possible so it can get to the chopping and dicing.  This makes for a good time on the surface, but leaves the film’s characters underdeveloped and two-dimensional. Besides our married couple, David and Judy, all the peripheral figures in the film should be named “Meat.” The film also is treading on well-worn ground. Part of this is due to the fact that it is a remake of Director George A. Romero’s 1973 movie of the same name. While nothing is new and groundbreaking about the scenario, there are a handful of moments that make the film enjoyable.  There is one scene involving a room full of people strapped to beds and a pitchfork that is not to be missed.

The use of the military as an oppressive monster gives the movie a feeling that is reminiscent of an old Stephen King story that he might have written in the ‘70s. The film has a sense of paranoia that used to run through much of the horror and sci-fi fare of the past. To make the statement that no one is to be trusted and no one will help you is theme that will never lose its bite. Horror films of the last few years have been about individuals torturing each other (the “Saw” films, “Hostel”). In “The Crazies,” the system is out to get you, and that is much more frightening than some stranger poking needles in your eyes.

Kristen Bell deserves better than “When in Rome”



Kristen Bell is plenty likable. As an actress, she possesses charisma, charm, and is as cute as a newborn kitten wearing a French beret. Judging from her work in films like “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Couples Retreat,” it is rather apparent that she can handle headlining her own film.

Ms. Bell’s first opportunity to make a name for herself is in the romantic comedy, “When in Rome.” In this film, she proves that she has the comedic timing and appeal necessary for this sort of business. She is enjoyable to watch as she stumbles and fumbles her way through Rome. The problem is practically everything and everyone that surrounds her in this mixed-up movie isn’t nearly as engaging as she is.

“When in Rome” opens in New York City, and it is there, despite the title, that most of the action takes place. Beth (Kristen Bell) has her dream job, as a curator at the Guggenheim Museum, and apparently that is enough to make her happy. She is bent on the belief that she doesn’t need love in her life to be fulfilled. Beth is, of course, a little more than skeptical when she gets a call from her younger sister, Joan (Alexis Dzenia). Joan is hastily getting married in Rome to a man she met two weeks prior, and wants Beth to be her maid-of-honor.

Reluctantly, Beth goes to the wedding where she meets Nick (Josh Duhamel), a handsome, winsome man who quickly sweeps her off her feet. Beth is about to give love a shot when she mistakenly thinks Nick is with another woman. Dejected, Beth wanders to a nearby fountain of love and snatches four coins from it. The four men that put the coins in the fountain instantly fall in love with Beth and follow her back to New York. Beth must learn how to break the curse while trying to find true love.

“When in Rome” tries to go in several different directions at once. The film wants to be a fantasy, slapstick romantic comedy with a heart and fails at being anyone of these things. This is director Mark Steven Johnson’s first attempt at this sort of film, and it shows. Known for making comic book adaptations (“Daredevil” and “Ghost Rider”), Johnson isn’t very clear on what tone he wants his movie to have. There are moments of broad comedy in some scenes and mystical elements in others. Most of the set-ups and pay-offs are so outlandish that it becomes impossible to invest in any of it.

There are a lot of talented people in supporting roles in “When in Rome,” none of which have anything all that inspiring to do. Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Danny DeVito and Dax Shepard as the four love-struck men are all wasted in moments that are supposed to be comic highlights. Even the graceful Angelica Huston comes off as two-dimensional in the role of Beth’s wicked boss. All these performers deserve better material.

Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell have good chemistry together. Their moments together are the highlights of the film. It’s when anybody else is on the screen with them that the story loses focus. It makes you wish the two stars were in another film entirely. A movie that takes place on a deserted island would be nice. That way they could be left alone.