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When it comes to what is wrong with the new science fiction/horror/comedy movie, “Splice,” the list is extensive. Therefore, before focusing on the faults of the picture and merely creating a diatribe of disdain, let’s take a moment to comment on what the film does well.

The centerpiece monster is a young woman-thing named Dren (Delphine Chaneac), and she is a wonder to observe. Created by make-up masters Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero, Dren is cool mix of a jumble of creatures that makes for a beast that is both sexy and creepy. Her features are striking with her huge, wide set eyes (a look straight out of 2007’s vampire flick “30 Days of Night”) and a long tail that is equipped with a slimy and deadly stinger. It is fun to watch her saunter around for a while, but once the novelty wears off, “Splice” has little else to offer.

“Splice” tells the story of rock star DNA scientists, Clive Nicoli (Adrien Brody), and Elsa Kast (Sarah Polley), who specialize in the splicing the genes of different species to make hybrids that look like giant computer-generated flesh toned tongues. These hybrids are used to create proteins that help fight diseases in animals. Elsa would like to take the next logical step and introduce human DNA into the mix with the hope of finding the cure for cancer. The moral and ethical questions are too much for the pharmaceutical company that funds their research, and Elsa and Clive are told to desist from any further experiments. Elsa, in a move that echoes Eve taking a bite from the fruit of knowledge, continues with the project, and Clive reluctantly follows.

What they create is a frightened, deformed, childlike oddity that Elsa names Dren. With no children of her own, Elsa quickly begins to treat Dren as her child. Dren is aging rapidly, and soon she resembles a young woman (with a tail and kangaroo legs). In a risky move, the two transport Dren to Elsa’s family farm for more seclusion, and Dren begins to morph into something more dangerous and frightening. Both Elsa and Clive bond to Dren in different and disturbing ways, and once the bonds begin to erode, Dren’s true nature takes shape.  

“Splice” starts out promising, with atmospheric scenes in the laboratory shot with blown out florescent lighting that makes the actors look sickly and intense. The film delivers the promised goo and gore early, and the premise is quickly established. Once the monster is introduced, however, the story has little where else to go. Everything gets repetitive and slowly loses its logic and urgency. This is the type of schlock that is peddled over at the SyFy Channel that might have made for a decent episode of “Masters of Horrors.”

As far as names go, “Splice” is a suitable title for this film, as it is an amalgamation of several familiar tales. This is “Frankenstein” meets “Alien” meets “The Fly Part 2” meets “Species” meets... The familiar subject and tone of the film is hard to enjoy, and director Vincenzo Natali does nothing to add anything fresh or original to the clichés stringed together in his film. Brody and Polley both come across as bored and unengaged with the proceedings going on around them. There is a shift late in the film that makes the rest of the film (intentionally?) laughable, and much of the finale is far too predictable. What good there is in “Splice” is stretched thin, and what is left is a boring and plodding mess.

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